Monday, August 4, 2014

Well, then.

I seem to have neglected this blog for a couple years. Let's talk about some things. 

I still live in Fort Wayne. I still don't have a full-time job, and it's not because I haven't tried to land one. Ho hum. 14 serious interviews over the past couple years have lead to approximately nothing. Ho hum.

 I went through two relationships after the last post found here.

 That doesn't include the current.

 The first was with a young man named Stan. He was nice, but boring. I broke up with him after a month.

The second was with Betsy. She was one of my best friends. She'll no longer speak to me because I made no mystery of feeling hurt when she ended things. She decided she wanted to exclusively date her alcoholic fuck buddy in Bloomington. I wish her the best and miss her sometimes.

The current is with a trans woman who was a porn actress and sex worker a couple years ago. We met through playing Magic. I had previously seen her pictures on Tumblr when she lived across the country. Running into her here in town was a shock, but I was determined to befriend her. Her relationship at the time was falling apart, and after a month of being broken up, we began to spend time together, thing leads to another. She's gorgeous.  It's not often one actually encounters a fantasy in the flesh. My life is sometimes wonderfully frightening.

 She is polyamorous. I am not, or at least I don't believe I am. I'm beginning to move towards it though for self-preservation reasons. It has been a very hard year and a half for me, because she's had relationships with other people in this time. I have not, and part of that is connected to my own feelings of being unattractive. Undesirable. It's made me feel boring. I've also had to suppress my desire to be my old, flirtacious self because of all the fights we've had about her flirting with others. Lead by example, or something. As I've said, I'm beginning to move toward the possibility of having other relationships in addition to this. It's a world I'm unfamiliar with, though. That's intimidating. The opposite of having heavily guarded walls. Something in it sounds potentially freeing, though. We'll see.

 We adopted a sweet ginger, polydactyl cat named Hannibal. Well, "sweet" is probably not a word that accurately describes Hannibal. Hannibal is vicious and regularly strikes or bites us after enjoying cuddle sessions. All the same, I don't regret adopting him. He kills centipedes for me. That is reason enough to have him around. Additionally, when he's in the mood to be pet and loved, he's very loving toward us. Generally, our home feels more like a home because he's here.

 It occurs to me that I have filled my life with difficult relationships. Strange how that happens.

 Tomorrow, we will leave for Colorado. She hasn't seen her mom in about three years. Initially, we were going to drive across the country to pick up her things from her ex's garage, until we learned that the family had moved and discarded the majority of her stuff, which is honestly to be expected.

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