Wednesday, October 14, 2009

HA. Part II.

I'm currently drifting in a kind of cultural vortex to which I have added all possibilities and elements. I am also fully capable of keeping certain elements out of this vortex, despite being aware of them. Some find this unsettling.

For example, I am no longer bound by my engrained code of moral Catholicism, despite having been endoctrinated successfully. Have I broken it? No, because I'm still totally aware of it and occasionally experience lapses likened only to acid flashbacks of morality. This isn't to say that I lack morals, just that I no longer uphold them. This isn't to say that I am now amoral, but...wait, no, maybe that is the case.

So I fucked a guy for fun. Well, kind of. We tried. An empty act of diminishing significance. I will now say that I have entered the grounds which so many Americans culturally consider themselves to be apart of. The modern/post-modern perspective that sexuality is no longer bound by a normative code, but instead a kind of fluidity. The experience I had was basically awful, but I suppose I can only hope that it's just the beginning of a comfortable string of acts with various partners. A stigma has been lifted. There is indeed a liberation in it, despite the overwhelming guilt I felt afterward toward finally having acted on such an impulse. I'm over it.

Queue the Seinfeld music.

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